Hello Korfyros!

I’ve decided to stick with the titling scheme. This one’s from Deep Secret by Diana Wynne Jones. Good book; took a long time to read cause there’s so much going on at once, making every page packed with essential information. So I recommend it if you like fantasy and are okay with one plot not progressing because another was just introduced.

Today’s topic is something I make a lot of: excuses. Whenever I can’t or don’t want to do something, I make an excuse for why I’m not doing it. Say there’s an event I don’t want to attend, I give the person inviting me an excuse for why I’m not going. Say there’s something I really can’t attend, I will still tell the inviter why I can’t go. Regardless of whether or not not I want to do something, I feel the need to make an excuse for why I’m not doing it. That’s where my mind automatically goes. “Why can’t I do this? What can I tell them? What is my reason?”

I think this deals with my guilty conscience. I feel very guilty when I’m not somewhere that I could even possibly be expected to be or doing something I’m expected to do. That’s what generally runs my life, what I think others want me to be doing. So, if I can’t do something that one of my friends would like me to do, I feel the need to give them a reason. Even if I really don’t need to give them a reason. Even if the real reason is that I just plain don’t want to, my mind tells me that not wanting to do something isn’t a good enough reason. By the way, I’m taking about normal, inconsequential things like going to a movie or to grab lunch or to the carnival. Not important decisions.

Where was I? Oh yeah, me shirking personal preferences for what I expect others to want of me. This is waaaay off the topic of excuses. So, bringing it back, if I don’t want to do something, I feel the need to generate what another could accept as a valid excuse to remove me from what I feel is now an obligation.

But doesn’t that diminish the difference between personal preferences and conflicting responsibilities? Does it invalidate my standing as a reliable person? Should I just be more honest?

Maybe. Let me know :)

TTFN,

-Merr

Sorority Events: 1

Israeli Dances: 1